A few months back, I wrote a blog called Do I Deserve Love? In this blog, I talked about deserving self-love and love from others. Since writing this, I’ve done much thinking about how I deserve more than just love; I deserve respect.
I think we all know that relationships start off great or there wouldn’t be a relationship in the first place. What blows my mind though is how much I didn’t have enough respect for myself that, as quickly as my last relationship went downhill, I didn’t walk away. I knew that I deserved respect from him, but I didn’t demand it. Instead, I cried. Pretty much every day. He walked all over my emotions, and I allowed it. He didn’t respect me, and worse than that, ~I~ didn’t respect me. I would often look in the mirror with tears flowing, watch the brokenness on my face, and know that some day I was going to write this blog.
This whole respecting myself and demanding respect from others is apparently a current theme in my life. I’m often stubborn and it takes a lesson a few times for me to get it. So right now, I’m under a wave of this current one. From the ex that I let hurt my heart repeatedly, to the “man” that couldn’t respect me enough to keep his hands to himself after I’d repeatedly said no, to so many more I don’t wish to list here, I have allowed disrespect. Looking back on all of this hurts my heart deeply. No matter how broken I’ve felt from the pains of my past, I’ve not deserved the treatment I’ve received. I haven’t deserved hurtful words, I haven’t deserved crying myself to sleep wondering and questioning my worth, I haven’t deserved to be strung along and let down. What I do deserve is respect–from others and from myself.
While I didn’t see it initially, respect and love go hand-in-hand. It is impossible to truly love without the respect. I get this now, and it’s the first step to gaining any kind of a meaningful relationship in life. So now I’m at the beginning of a new chapter once again, and I know that it starts with respecting myself and no longer allowing giving my attention to anyone else not first giving me respect.
I don’t know when love will enter my life again. It could be next week or it could be years down the road, so for now, I’ll be loving myself knowing that the right man isn’t going to hurt me and make me question my self-worth. Never again will I lose myself in disrespect. Instead, I’m losing the losers. Adios, baby!
I choose respect. I choose love. I choose me.
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