As I’m sitting in a waiting room wanting to kill time with a very long wait ahead of me and regretting not having a book in my car, I debate for a while on whether or not I want to blog on my phone (I detest not being able to type with both hands on a keyboard). After reading several others’ posts, I decide to just go for it.
I find comfort in thinking about him, in writing about him, and even in relating to others that are feeling the same with someone else new. As I was reading other writers’ words of dating and love, I wanted to create my own.
He comforts me. He comforts me in ways that are both familiar and unfamiliar. Everyone loves new relationships because the feelings are a rush. We get high on all of the firsts, on the fascination of getting to know one another, on the dopamine rushes flooding the brain with each connection. This is no different with him. It’s a familiar feeling that I have greatly missed.
This man does things that I’m unfamiliar with too though. He uses words I’m not used to. He doesn’t use cookie cutter statements of adoration, but instead, he gives genuine, well thought out, sincere words that make me swoon. Things like:
“I’m lucky to have you. You are with me entirely without being over bearing or clingy. It’s like I’m saturated by you and given space at the same time. I love it. I feel balance with you.”
“Just know that I want to be there for you, for everything. The way I care about you…”
His words are incredible. He’s unlike any man before him and this squeezes my heart. Hard.
He comforts me with those sweet words, tender touches, reminders of being calm in moments of intense stress, and firm hugs to center and ground me. He makes an effort to connect with my children without being pushy or fake. He offers to help. And that smile…oh my goodness, that smile.
I feel intensely for him. We are new and so I cannot call it love. That will come in due time, but what I’m feeling is more than just infatuation. It is strong and grows by leaps and bounds every single day. Well, a couple days ago, we weren’t in a particularly romantic moment, but I was looking at him and just completely overcome by strong emotion. He looked up and gave me that handsome grin and asked, “What?”
“Nothing,” I blushed, but then I immediately followed up with, “I can’t tell you.”
Again, that smile, and he pulled me in close for a kiss and whispered in my ear, “I can’t tell you too.” Can it get any better than this?!
I don’t know where this is going to go, and I’m not looking to try to pin it down any time soon. I’m thoroughly enjoying the ride though, and for the first time in a long time, I’m experiencing (and loving) the butterflies in my heart. As I’m still dealing with all of the same stresses that I have been for months, I’m suddenly much more calm and much more happy.
The “L word” hasn’t come yet, but I know it will, and when it does…I’m sure there will be a new blog. Until then, I’m going to keep relishing in the butterflies, those gorgeous smiles, and the mischievous twinkle in those dark brown eyes looking at me like I’m the most amazing thing on earth. I am happy, and I deserve this. I can only hope I make him feel the same way, because really, he truly is the most amazing man on earth. He is the comfort in my chaos.
Update: It’s funny how much someone can make him or herself appear to be someone they are not. This all quickly fell apart and you can read the updates in Onward and Upward, Baby!, In My Bed, and I Deserve Respect.